That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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