Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
