Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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