you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
