you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
