I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
