Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize