Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
