Yo dont text me then not text me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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