He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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