Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
