I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
