I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found a bag of teeth...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
