Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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