If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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