so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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