I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize