is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
