Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
