You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
