If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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