I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
