i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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