I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
