I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
