Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
