I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
