At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Non-Jews are for practice
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
