i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
