Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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