This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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