he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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