i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize