My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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