how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just invented taco cereal.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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