They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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