he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
