can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
