Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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