can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
