You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
