She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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