You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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