so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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