why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
