I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize