if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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