apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
