The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
