Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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