I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
