totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
