planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
