Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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