Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
why is half of my head shaved?
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