FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
