Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
