Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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