pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
