I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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