wrigley field is MILF paradise
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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