my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
