just tell him i said nine months
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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