We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
