I want to have your abortion
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize