Define "chronic" masturbator.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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