I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
