My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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