haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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