were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
