I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
