I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
