I didn't shave. On purpose
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize