Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
