Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
