If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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