Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize