then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
