He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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