apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
