He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
