my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
