I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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