Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
