sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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