i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
