I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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