So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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