I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
