so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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