Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
