i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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