No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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