Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
