nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Be still, my beating vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
