Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
