You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
