So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
